Kabedon
by Athyra
Summary: In which the others find out about Riko's Kabedon fetish. [Crack. Implied KanaDiaMari, RikoChikaYou but also crack ships like DiaRiko, MariYou, KanaChika]


**Words** : 2,227  
 **A/N:** Well, as the summary and title imply, don't take this blip seriously; First Years not included; they're too pure for such debauchery -rolls-

* * *

Sakurauchi Riko stares blankly into space with her hands on her ears. Her life is over. This is it. The cat is literally out of the bag. She was too careless and left one of her doujinshis in between the pages of the lyrics notebook, when she was up late reading while incorporating Chika's lyrics with her music.

And so, at the club meeting today, when she returned the notebook to its owner, as fate would have it, her beloved doujinshi fell onto the table for everyone to see in all its fine hard-wall glory. Akin to a humiliating public execution, all pairs of eyes turned to her as blood drained out of her face.

It's been one grueling minute since then.

The prolonged silence only makes her galloping heartbeats so much louder.

Still, a part of her adamantly refuses to acknowledge this embarrassing reality and thus she continues repeating a mantra of "This isn't happening" and "You're going to be fine".

No who is she kidding, her image as the plain girl is completely and utterly ruined. Her only consolation is that the three First-Years aren't here yet so maybe, just maybe, she could continue to be the sensible composer pianist she's always been in their eyes.

Excluding her comical reactions to those scary, scary dogs of course.

"Well~ I can't say I'm surprised. This is bound to happen sooner or later, Rikocchi, _don't mind don't mind_ ~" Of course, Guilty Kiss' leader Ohara Mari is the first to break the silence. Wearing her characteristic feline-like smirk, she rests her chin on her interlaced fingers and peers slyly at the student council president. "I mean, you're not the only one."

Riko squeaks. "W-what do you mean?"

"Dia here is practically the _master_ of kabedon after all~"

Three pairs of eyes now shift towards the nonplussed Kurosawa Dia. "Ha? What nonsense are you spouting?"

"Excuse me! What's kabedon?" Takami Chika tilts her head adorably, blinking in utter innocence. "I get that kabedon is what that picture is on the cover, but I don't get what the big deal is! You-chan, Kanan-chan, do you know?"

Matsuura Kanan only chuckles in her typical, exasperated fashion while Watanabe You's ears darken as she averts her gaze.

"Mou! Can someone explain!"

Riko hastily turns away before Chika's puppy-like eyes meet hers. Mari lets out a dramatic sigh.

"Dia, why don't you be a dear and demonstrate it for our beloved _leader_ -chan?"

"I refuse to participate in your childish games."

"Why not? You were so into it the other day… and I just know you love it when Kanan does that to you!"

Dia twitches but refuses to speak, remaining immovable as condensed carbon even as Mari drapes an arm around her shoulder and whispers languidly in her ear.

" _Come on_ ~ Then again, Kanan's better at it than you are-"

Hook, line, sinker. Dia immediately stands up with fire in her eyes. "What did you just say? Oh I shall show you how good I am at it. Kanan-san, come on!"

The ponytailed girl blinks in bewilderment when she's hauled up by her tie and dragged towards the wall. Dia then slams her hand besides Kanan's head and leans close. "Well?"

Riko feels her face heat up and blushes even harder in embarrassment when she notices Mari's knowing grin. She can't help it though! The student council president doing the kabedon to their _nice-body_ diver? It's like material straight out of _Kabedon Anthology vol.34_!

Kanan, however, only gives Dia her usual easygoing smile and pats her head. "There there."

"Kanan-san! This isn't a game, this is serious! Evaluate me!"

"Kya~ how _shiny_! I'd love to _evaluate_ you both-"

"Mari-san, please be quiet!"

Riko tries to stop her imagination from going wild at the blonde's words. Chika appears to be thinking hard, scrutinizing the third years before a look of comprehension dawns upon her face. "Ohh! I remember now! Dia-san once interrogated me like this against the cabinets, when I mispronounced μ's name! Is that what this is about? An intimidation tactic!" She crosses her arms, nodding smugly, "I see I see. I've done this kabedon before too, when we were handing out the posters for our first live. Remember that, Riko-chan, You-chan?"

"Er, it's not exactly an intimidation tactic but I guess, in a way, it is-?" You is also staring at the bickering third years, curiosity apparent in her wide blue eyes. Her attention instantly snaps back to Chika at the latter's next words though.

"I don't get it! Why don't you just do me, You-chan?"

You makes a string of incoherent noise as she pulls down her cap and sinks in her chair. Pouting, Chika turns to Riko, who waves her hands frantically and looks away only to meet Mari's devious gaze.

"Alright, Dia, chill. Come to think of it, Kanan and I aren't the best judge for your kabdeon level, considering everything we've done together, ne?"

Riko's cooling face heats up again at the implication of her words.

"Hmm, I suppose you are right. You two never stop fooling around." Huffing, Dia bats Kanan's hand off her head and elbows Mari away from her chest. "Who can be the judge then?"

"Why, the one and only expert of course~"

Riko bolts out of her seat the moment Mari points her finger at her, but Dia is one step ahead of her. The pianist has the odd sensation of the world spinning and her mind soaring above the clouds before she finds herself pinned against the wall.

"Do not look away, Riko-san."

She trembles from the husky tone Dia uses to utter her name. She's also very aware of their proximity, of the taller girl's body heat and warm hand on her shoulder. Those sharp, emerald eyes have a fiery yet mesmerizing quality that compels her to gaze into them. She has always considered Dia to be beautiful, a masterpiece to be admired from afar, but now that they're so close and in contact, she feels humbled to hold the older girl's complete attention.

Dia smiles coolly as she trails her knuckles up Riko's neck and gently tilts her chin.

"Well, Sakurauchi-sensei?"

Riko is vaguely aware of her knees weakening and Dia's surprised call, but everything is muffled by the thunderous pounding of her heart. Her face probably matches the color of her hair, especially when she realizes that Chika and You are snickering at her.

"My my, you certainly did a number on poor Rikocchi."

"Of course," Dia looks pleased at the result of her kabedon as she helps the dazed Riko back to her seat. "Take heed, all of you. Kurosawa Dia is not to be trifled with."

"Hmm, it wouldn't be fair if you're the only one showing off…" Smirking, Mari pulls You up in a similar manner and playfully shoves the startled girl against the wall. Instinctively, the swimmer holds up her arms in a defensive stance but freezes at the blonde's soft giggling.

"Put those guns down, _captain_ ," Mari smoothly glides into the younger girl's personal space and practically presses her body against hers. Their noses are almost touching as she tilts You's chin and traces the outline of her jaw. "Shiny Onee-san will teach you a thing or two about navigating. We'll go full speed ahead, _sai~lor~_ "

You's face explodes into a fierce blush. Riko admits that Mari truly has that mature, sexy charm that she can never hope to have. The usual jokester persona switching to this seductive predator has quite the deadly effect.

And that lilting purr. Good lord, it's no wonder that You is completely bewitched.

Not to mention, it's also refreshing to see the energetic swimmer looking so vulnerable. Riko fleetingly imagines herself being the one to put You in such state and feels her heart pound faster. Perhaps, one day, she should ask Mari for tips?

Chika, on the other hand, is outright guffawing.

"Woah, You-chan, I've never seen your face so red! Hehe, now you match with Riko-chan!"

"W-What!" Mortified, Riko covers her burning cheeks and stomps towards the laughing mikan girl. You also scowls in utter indignation and carefully squirms out of Mari's hold. The older girl gleefully allows her prey to escape, knowing something amusing is about to happen.

"Well, it's true, why are you both so red… and aren't you getting a bit close?" Chika raises an eyebrow, her characteristic ahoge swaying from side to side as she looks between them.

As if in silent agreement, You and Riko each slam one hand beside Chika's head in a fluid, simultaneous motion. Encouraged by the presence of a fellow comrade, Riko dares to lean even closer, hoping to replicate the magical effect that is kabedon on this clueless leader of theirs.

"Hmm? Are you trying to scare me? Hehe, it's not working, y'know~!" Alas, the lovely item only grins adorably up at them. It's almost criminal, really, and Riko can feel that familiar heat crawling up her neck. Out of the corner of her eyes, she notices You to be flushed as well, undoubtedly shaken by how damn cute Chika is.

"Yeah, it's not working," You mumbles a little dejectedly, and Riko nods in agreement.

Mari theatrically prances up to Kanan and pats her back. "Well then, we'll have to use our secret super weapon then! Go, Kanan, I choose you!"

"Huh? But, it doesn't really matter who does it or not…" the ponytailed girl pauses when the blonde whispers something in her ear. Shrugging, she then straightens her tie and rolls her shoulders a bit. "Sure, I can do that."

"Are you gonna do me next? As you can see, I'm undefeated- yeeek!" Kanan suddenly picks up Chika princess style. Eyes wide, the younger girl could only clutch her hands in front of her chest like a helpless maiden while Kanan carries her towards the wall.

"W-Wait, Kanan-chan-!" Practically squeaking now, Aqours' sunshine leader feebly hits the taller girl's arm but the latter remains steady, not at all affected by the struggle.

Riko just stares. She'd be lying if she hasn't pondered about Kanan's muscles and limitless stamina. There are quite a few doujinshis that could be played out perfectly if Kanan were to sub in for the main character.

Such as that technique where the _tachi_ passionately throws the _neko_ onto the bed and-

Ah, maybe she's managed to create a new shade of red from blushing so much.

"Ano! Kanan-chan!' Though flustered, You's blue eyes are glimmering as she raises her hand and hops a little. "I can do that too! Lemme do it!"

Chika's ahoge straightens in shock. "E-Eh? You-chan? What're you-?"

"Un, sure. We work out together all the time, this shouldn't be a problem for you." Nodding, Kanan smoothly passes the otome-mode leader to Captain Yousorou's eager arms.

As soon as the ponytailed girl is free, Mari lunges right into her arms and giggles when she barely staggers from the surprise jump. "My turn~! Dia, don't just stand there and come here already!" As if to emphasize her point, she pats Kanan's shoulders. "Get on!"

The diver mutters in exasperation. "I'm not your horse…"

"Yes but we don't mind riding you, right, Dia?"

"Mari-san, you are so shameless!"

Riko shakes her head vehemently, deciding to pretend she hasn't heard anything or else she'd get a nosebleed.

"You-chan!" Oddly, Chika isn't struggling and is just peering reproachfully at her childhood friend.

"Heheh, I never would've thought that this is the thing to get you going? Remember I used to give you piggyback rides?" Indeed, You appears to be carrying Chika effortlessly even though they are the same height.

"T-That was different and- wait, how is this even related to kabedon-?"

"I can feel your heart going doki-doki, Chika-chan. That is… one of the effects of a successful kabedon." All that embarrassment from earlier has gone with the wind. You is back to her energetic self and perhaps even a bit ikemen, with that roguish, charming grin of hers. Riko is rather envious of how easily You is able to pick up Chika. She'd like to sweep this baka mikan girl off her feet too, or maybe she could ask You to do her as well…

Riko wonders if her face is going to stay permanently red.

Either way, they all seem to be occupied. If she just inches a bit to the left, she could reach for her phone and take a few very memorable photos, for research purposes of course-

The door to the club room slides open with a deafening clatter.

Yoshiko, Hanamaru and Ruby stare at them with wide, innocent eyes. Well, Yoshiko and Hanamaru each raise one hand automatically to cover Ruby's eyes.

Swallowing, Riko glances around the room to find a resigned Kanan on the floor with Dia and Mari still arguing while sitting on top of her back. You is still carrying Chika in her arms, though they're standing a lot closer to Riko than she recalls, as if they've been sneaking up on her.

"What happened zura?"

"Yeah! What's going on? Have you all become fallen angels?!"

Riko honestly doesn't know how to answer the two kouhais. Her heart stops when she follows their gaze to the table where the majestic kabedon doujinshi lays, ready to corrupt more pure souls.

The pianist can only sum up her predicament in one eloquent phrase.

 _Oh shit._


End file.
